I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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