Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
