Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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