I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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