I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
