Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
