she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
