So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
