two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
