i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
