If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
