Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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