I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the day after is always just damage control
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
