chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
