had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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