Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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