She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
