I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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