i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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