I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
