if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
