I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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