Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
