I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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