I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im six kinds of drunk right now
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
