You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Couch. On fire.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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