did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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