All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
