I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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