I faked an abortion last night.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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