Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
