I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
