put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
