omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
