I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
