I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
