Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My feet surprised me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
