we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
