Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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