Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
