Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
