I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
