don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm too high and old for this...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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