Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
