You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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