I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
