this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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