It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
