Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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