Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
