his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
