vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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