yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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