I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
