John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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